As I mentioned in my previous post, my Dad has been in the hospital since Christmas Eve. Last weekend he went into ICU. Then bounced back and got out of ICU. Now he’s back in ICU.

The head nurse said his breathing was a certain type of shallow that’s consistent with what she thought, in her experience, might be a signal toward the end. She recommended that family from out of town might want to consider making their way into town.

So I’m getting ready to make the drive. Packing. Again, actually. I made this same drive last weekend too. All was going downhill fast, and I saw him in a bad state. And then the next day he was relatively fine. We were joking around in ICU. This time seems more serious.

But apparently no one tells you how to pack for such trips. Am I supposed to bring a suit for a funeral? Or a toga for a party? So far, I’m stuck at clean underwear and a toothbrush.

If it is time for him to pass on, what’s the protocol for how long until the funeral? And where’s the “Death for Dummies” book for all this?

I know this sounds terribly morbid and all. And part of me feels guilty for even writing publicly about this. It’s my father. I’m very sad.

But there’s a practical side to all this. And in fact, I think my Dad would be thinking the same sort of way. He’d be the first one to crack some irreverent joke.

He’d also be the first one to start packing if it were me in ICU. Of course, he’d also probably just pack clean underwear and a toothbrush.

Because he knows it’s not the ‘stuff’ that matters.

And so it is done. Whoop-dee-freakin’ doo.

Long year that blurred by in about three seconds. For me at least. A year of construction, deconstruction, and reconstruction. One of learning about myself, who I really am and what I really want, and don’t want. One of appreciating others in my life and coming into healthier relationships.

I spent all of Christmas weekend in a hospital room helping look after my Dad. He’s still in there this New Year’s Eve. Please send healing energy his way. If you don’t believe in that sort of thing, think positively about him or something.

But anyway, I learned that life can be hard. But it’s a hell of a lot easier for me than many, many others in this world. I learned that we all, all earth-bound beings, are in this together. We all have our life challenges, character flaws, and blessings and beauty. We can choose to share this life with each other or insulate ourselves from each other. There are good times for each of those actions. And we should listen to our selves.

That thing, that stuff, that web that seems to connect us seems to have some intelligence or wisdom or something. From my experience, it speaks to me through me, and through others, including people and other-than-peoples. I’ve been learning to listen a little better, through the joy and pain. It all has something beneficial to say. Maybe not always pleasant, but beneficial.

Anyway, that’s about it.

Cheers.

*image source here

(Image from his last article, featured in Vanity Fair)

Believers and nonbelievers both have at least one thing in common: We all feel there’s something broken, something wrong with the world. We may disagree on what that brokenness is, but bickering over that makes no difference in changing or helping what is really broken. It just makes us feel better about our own position.

There are brilliant minds, pure hearts, and strong hands in every camp.

It’s high time we agnostics, atheists and believers work together to address the very real brokenness that is, for instance, poverty and hunger throughout the world.

That is all.

*

I’m learning the sacredness of stating my wants. Not wants as in what I want my life to be, like purpose…and also not wants as in the stuff I think I want. But those things in between the conceptual and the material. Things like relationships and past times and conversations. And also the importance of honing in on what I don’t want.

For example, I really don’t like talking or writing about religion anymore. I’d much rather be wandering in the woods or sloshing in tidepools. I still enjoy occasionally sharing my story or listening to others’. People’s beliefs are precious to them, and what works for them may or may not work for me. But I’m learning that it’s okay for me not to obsess over being right about religion. And it’s okay for me to want to spend my time elsewhere.

Instead of assuming that having wants is selfish, I’m learning that it’s healthy, for myself and others. We all have our personal world. Our own little bubbles that we want to look and feel a certain way. But we do not live in a vacuum. Our bubbles bounce into and stick to each other. We need to hear each others’ stories to help write our own. We depend on each other. But we should not be codependent. Big difference.

My sense of wholeness should not depend on the information I gather from others, but from something that’s beyond all of us. I’m not sure what that is, but it’s something that, while beyond us, also connects all of us and resides deep inside each of us. It informs me of what comes most naturally to me, my individuality, etc. And to operate in that natural individuality that makes me whole, I need and therefore want certain things. But wants can get confused. For example, I may think I want money but I really want the freedom that money can buy.

To prevent the confusion requires absolute honesty with myself, and in turn honesty with others. Clearly stating what I want or don’t want eliminates the need for me to manipulate others. And as I grow older, my focus is getting clearer on what I want. And when I allow myself to be honest, it actually helps others.

So wants, in their truest form, are not selfish. They are essential. And even the process of uncovering what our deepest wants really are, instead of feeling ashamed of them, is sacred.

* image source here

image source here

I know, that’s a tough question, with the tight economy and all. I think we should just let the free market decide.

But now that I have your attention, let’s turn to more important matters:

Kim Kardashian Files for Divorce After 72 Days.

Which U.S. Presidential Candidates Use Twitter the Most?

BTW, How Did Rick Perry Do on His College Grades?

I’m just kidding. Here are the really important things we should be thinking about these days:

Which is better: Transubstantiation or Consubstantiation?

Should one be baptized in the name of Jesus alone or in all three persons of the Christian God.

Is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob also the God of Ishmael? And is the God of Abel also the God of Cain? Or is the God of Arab-Israelis NOT the God of [Jewish] Israelis?

Is Christianity a religion or a relationship?

Who has the best story: 90 Minutes in Heaven or 23 Minutes in Hell?

So those were the important questions. Now if you still want to know about how, over the past few days, many of us just enabled the continued enslavement of an innocent African child, along with the one we’re sponsoring through World Vision, read this: Child Slaves Made Your Halloween Candy. Stop Buying It. And here’s a vid that talks more about that.

Okay, carry on with your more important things. I just wanted to bring a little levity to your day.

In case you didn’t catch any of my dry sarcasm, here’s my point: I’m not trying to make anyone feel guilty about not buying fair-trade chocolate over the stuff that can easily be found at any store. I’m just trying to make people feel guilty about making religion (or theology) more important than the people religion says it’s trying to save. And yes, we must acknowledge that there are religious organizations that are leading the way in trying to bring freedom to these captives, which is great. Also, I realize some of you may notice that this topic pops up around Halloween, Easter, Valentines Day, etc. But anyway, hopefully you get my point.

I’m also trying to help people acknowledge the tragedy of our choices in media consumption. When media can be so helpful in spreading the word about injustices around the world, what makes us so addicted to primarily using its capabilities for passive entertainment?

Anyway, sorry for my crankiness. That’s my soapbox for the month.